For the Thrill of It

Once upon a time (2012), I studied abroad in Australia. While there I wrote a blog called, 'The Things That Happened'. I reread it tonight, and was pretty intrigued by this post that my 21 year old self wrote:

When you wake up in the morning, and you look to your nightstand only to find a near empty glass of water. And the stamps on your wrists from the clubs have faded, along with your dignity. And inside your brain is pounding as you think to yourself: “what are we doing tonight?”

It’s the same thing over and over again. Nothing changes. We go out every night with the same intentions as we did when we had our first drink in high school. I can’t remember many nights that were that different from the last. Sure we went to a new bar, or wore a cuter outfit, but the outcome was generally the same. Yet we crave these nights, like the greasy leftover pizza we will come home to later as some kind of a reward for making it back to our beds.

I’m wondering when it stops. When do we become mature? When will that pivotal moment be? When do we stop seeking adventure and have to get on with our lives?

Does it suck?

That’s essentially what “going out” is, right? Some sort of adventure? It’s like going out into the great unknown, as we stumble into the blackness that is night. Hoping that something crazy will happen. Whatever crazy is.

Today, I’m seeking adventure that isn’t found at the bottom of a tequila bottle. There’s a first time for everything!

I’m going skydiving with a handful of my friends today and am so ecstatic.

But then again, I can’t help but wonder what kind of an accomplishment it is to pay $300+ to be a part of some kind of tourist attraction? More or less. Yet it still manages to make the bucket list. Wait, am I a cynic? Anyways. 

I’m not really too nervous. People think skydiving is such a great feat. Because I think everyone automatically assumes that they’re going to die. I guess, yeah I could die. But I could also die in the car ride on the way there, or crossing the street, or choking on a popcorn kernel. That’s my perspective.

However, my perspective will probably (definitely) shift in a few hours when I am dangling out of a plane and reciting the lords prayer repeatedly as insurance, but until then we can pretend that I’m brave!

Anyways, it was nice knowing you guys. A real pleasure. Cheeeers!" 

As I'm about to graduate this post resonates with me. I'm not going skydiving this time, but I am taking a leap into the unknown. My entire existence has been structured by education and societal expectations, now it's time to make my own decisions. I have to figure out what comes next. For the first time in my life, I feel in control of my life. I am liberated and paralyzed all at once.

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My story is a series of jumps from one great expectation to the next. Is this not the epitome of life?