Luxy, The Dating App for the Self Absorbed

At last we can breathe easy my fellow 1%'ers. Luxy is here!

Luxy is like Tinder, "minus the poor people".

Literally, that is how the app is pitched in the press release. "Shop for affluent people in your neighborhood" like your favorite Ferragamo booties. "Our app allows users to weed out the poor and unattractive," said the CEO - who prefers to remain anonymous for reasons unbeknownst to me.

New users to the app are prompted to select their favorite high end brands such as Prada, Gucci, or Cartier. Your choices show up at the bottom of your profile apparently so that when you're shopping for a date, you can bond over your preferred brands.

Brilliant! Before Luxy I never knew how to strike up a conversation with a man, but now all my problems are solved. Can't wait to start conversing with potential suitors about $2,000 handbags! 

How are all these attractive, rich people still single?!

To all this I say: Get off my Tinder. Thank god for this app. Finally we can weed out the pompous and shallow. Thanks Luxy!